Life is fragile

Posts : 66 Join date : 2013-03-10

From AR15.com
Link to thread

"I'm dying

No shit.

I'm laying here at Harris Hospital in Fort Worth Texas realizing my final days are upon me. It started back in April when I was diagnosed with stage IVLymphoma cancer.

Couldn't just be normal Lymphoma, it had to be Burkitt's lymphoma. And a rare one at that. It's what's called a triple hit Burkitt's. Meaning there are three bad chromosones they have to fight.

Basically it's a fast growing tumor they throw everything at. We started with Chemo called Hyper/Cvad....one of the strongest doses of chemo they have. The tumor responded and went from 22cm to 8.4 cm then got pissed off and started growing again. They took me off Chemo and Sent me to MD Anderson in Houston to be on a clinical trial. I tried that and the tumor got bigger after a month so they kicked me off and sent me back.

Now I'm laying here with this huge belly, a bad prognosis, and hooked to what they call "salvage" chemo. It doesn't look good. Basically if this chemo does not shrink the tumor I am going to die.

If it does shrink the tumor, then I have to have a bone marrow transfusion immediately to help fight the cancer. There will be a small window of opportunity and we have to find a donor match.

I"ve gone from a 32 inch waist to almost a 44". I know what a pregnant woman feels now.......you cannot get comfortable no matter what position you lie in.

My back is killing me, I'm tired, exhausted, I can't eat without throwing iit back up and I have not pooped in three days because the tumor is wrapped around my intestines.

I'm only 45 years old and not ready to die. But here I lay wondering wtf happened and how did this happened. For the first time in my life I'm actually afraid.

9 years in the Army I served. I'm proud of that. I went to college and got a degree.........I have a beautiful family........I guess I've had a good life.,

I've shot more deer than most people have seen over the years.......hell I have killed lots of animals over the years. Shit loads of doves.......

I can't even think about the number of bullets I've fired over the years. It would be funny to see that mountain of brass. We would all smile and be proud and say "damn Jeff, you have a trigger finger left?"

The mountain of brass would shade my two story house. I can be proud of that.

I have an 8 year old son I have not taught much too. I've been pretty sick all year. He has a chipmunk rifle ready to go......Dad just needs to get better......and there are days I can barely get off the couch I'm so sick.

Will somebody teach him when I'm gone? I sure hope so.....he's a good kid and if he's got some of his Dad in him he's gonna be a damn good shot.

Yes....these are the words of a truly dying man. I don't think I'll have any regrets.........I've always wanted to work on a project car.....you know......rebuild an old classic. 65 mustang or 72 Chevy pickup...

If I get better that's what I want to do. Chances are small and slim though and I think I finally realized that tonight. The nurses act different around me. They look sad.......they must have read my chart and seen my prognosis. It's in their eyes and faces. They won't look me in the eye......and I've been coming here for months for treatment.

Things feel different......they know. They just are not saying.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I'm scared..........I do know that. I guess if I had a shoulder to cry on right now I would.

Well I'll just dump this here in GD and let the ball roll.

I'm in room 700 if you got a shoulder.7th floor Harris tower..."""

I've been gone a while. Stuck on guns. (its the rhino or guns that suck my money away)
But i figure y'all could help pray for jeff. Every thought helps. Also see how there are still great people in this world willing to help a stranger.

Subject: Re: Life is fragile Tue Oct 29, 2013 5:55 pm

thats sad....prayers on the way

Subject: Re: Life is fragile Tue Oct 29, 2013 6:24 pm

WOW!! so sorry man, I don't even know what to say.
you're in our prayers Brother..

Subject: Re: Life is fragile Tue Oct 29, 2013 6:27 pm

may god bless him and his family, will be praying for them

Subject: Re: Life is fragile Tue Oct 29, 2013 6:49 pm

All the support I can throw your way Jeff and your wife and young boy, praying for you and every chance to get better. Fragile for sure.

Subject: Re: Life is fragile Tue Oct 29, 2013 7:02 pm

I'm speechless really all I can say is I read this post before getting in my car to leave from work and haven't stopped thanking about it yet u never know when or what could happen. My prayers are with you and your family God bless you & them.

Subject: Re: Life is fragile Tue Oct 29, 2013 7:05 pm

prayer for him and his family

Posts : 1638 Join date : 2013-03-10 Age : 51 Location : CA

shit man, the way I see it, at least you got to meet your boy and he will carry on your name, hope you pull thru bro. stories like yours make me question religon

Subject: Re: Life is fragile Tue Oct 29, 2013 7:54 pm

Not much I can say to a man that is walking down that path. Except the options you have and keep fighting for what you want. Religion was made so people could find a place to fit into. Miracles are for the believer that trusts in Christ. My prayers are with your family and you, partner.

Subject: Re: Life is fragile Tue Oct 29, 2013 8:00 pm

I am speechless. stories like that make me think about my family and my life all too often I find myself getting on my kids back about something stupid and I am trying to be more lax. I want to spend as much time as I can with my kids cause you never do know. I am sorry for what he is going thru it really does suck times are hard for that family like many others. I will keep him and his family in my thoughts and hope for a miracle.

Subject: Re: Life is fragile Tue Oct 29, 2013 8:15 pm

sorry to hear Bro. my prayers are with you.

Posts : 66 Join date : 2013-03-10

It's not me.

Posts : 8 Join date : 2013-10-29

Wow, it's tough to read that. So very sad. Sad

My prayers are with him for sure.

Subject: Re: Life is fragile Tue Oct 29, 2013 8:55 pm

Prayers for him and his family.

Subject: Re: Life is fragile Tue Oct 29, 2013 9:06 pm

Prayers.

Posts : 45 Join date : 2013-03-10

Im very sorry to hear this but trust in the Lord Jesus. IF you know him as your personal savior then you are a winner no matter what happens. I'll pray for you and your family.

Subject: Re: Life is fragile Tue Oct 29, 2013 10:19 pm

Thoughts and prayers.

Subject: Re: Life is fragile Wed Oct 30, 2013 12:46 am

I am at a loss , this is bad for him an his family , they will be in my thoughts an prayers

Subject: Re: Life is fragile Wed Oct 30, 2013 8:37 am

Cherish every moment of your life. This could be any one of us.

Posts : 66 Join date : 2013-03-10

Ar15.com raised 23k and also two members are paying his mortgage until January.
Edit
31,000$

Posts : 789 Join date : 2013-03-10 Age : 70 Location : oHio

every day is a gift. in the end all we have is memories bounce

Subject: Re: Life is fragile Wed Oct 30, 2013 11:23 am

Ar15.com sound like a great bunch, that's very good of them.

Posts : 66 Join date : 2013-03-10

Quote :: Ok.

I witnessed three miracles today.

First......Lug1 ......came into my room to read me scripture. I'm not a very religious man......until today.

He read three scriptures........First was about casting doubt. I must remove all doubt. That's not the miracle. What was....when he was reading it......and holding my hand....I lifted out of my bed. I gravitated towards the words he was speaking. Scared the shit out of me......My soul lifted and I felt what it was like to not to have to tumor in me.

Second Scripture.....same thing happened. Only this time......the message was take all my pain and fears and cast them upon God's shoulders.

Third scripture read...........same thing happened....I lifted.......message was "I am a gift" We will get back to that gift part because God had to send another messenger to explain the "Gift" and it was later in the day. That was the third miracle I witnessed.....

So.....2nd miracle was private. I never told anybody......one of my favorite songs is "Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" by Gordon LIghtfoot.

My dad used to sing it on guitar.....He didn't know this but I would sit outside his workshop and listen to him sing that song.

So it's special to me.....only me. A user here......kroed11581........texted me out of the blue.....a Picture......the Picture was the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

There is no way he could have know what that meant to me.........just out of the blue. I called and talked to him. He is sending the painting to me.I asked him if he felt funny because God had spoken through him......It's incredible. There is no way anybody would just randomly send a pic of that ship unless they were told to. Only a picture of that particular ship could even bother to stir my feelings.........there is no way he knew.

So later........Dr Burk came by and we were talking.....I told him about my day............and the gift.

He said I am the gift.........to others. And my gift was starting this thread. I was a little confused.....

The gift I gave.......was well........I got a lot of Dad's off their asses. I made them realize that spending time with their kids was what they should be doing.

I am the gift.......and a lot of Dads....sons and daughters are reaping the benefits from my original post.

That is the Gift in the third scripture. I am a gift was the message.......the gift was me giving hundreds of Dads and kids a loving time together because of this thread.

Now that is pretty amazing.

Quote :: I gotta admit.....I spent years giving away my time and money and knowledge..

I just can charge somebody 150.00 to fix a computer. 20 dollars or a steak always made me happy. I got happy just fixing peoples stuff.....they were always smiling and happy. I fix their computer.....they are happy. Job done.....next....

Guess that is why we were always scraping by. I didn't care though.....we always made enough to pay our bills so that was good enough.

Family was provided for........why do we need all the extra stuff?

I see I'm a piss poor planner now.....we should have been saving for college.......

I paid for my college via GI Bill ......

Oh well. It's pretty damn amazing to be a part of this.

I had no idea it would get this big. I am happy though that tons of Dad's have contacted me and are doing stuff with their kids.......

That is pretty damn cool there. I made a lot of sons and daughters happy with my first post. Friggen awesome. Lit a fire under a lot of lazy asses.

Kids are reaping the benefits from my first post......that is just a happy thing there.

Gives me hope for people. All the depressing news you get then to see random people do so much for someone they dont even know.
Up past $40,000 now. One guy donated $8,787
Donation page.

Subject: Re: Life is fragile Wed Oct 30, 2013 4:12 pm

"when the gales of November come early !" , There is hope for all of us

Subject: Re: Life is fragile Fri Nov 08, 2013 1:48 am

Fellow soldier you are in my thoughts and prayers. Know that if the worst should happen you will be there with a lot of our commarades that are guarding those gates. (you know the deal)

I am also a fellow AR15 forum member and going over to make a donation.

I know what its like to be in and out of hospitals and now with Obamacare losing our Tricare for life its an everyday challenge unless you go to the VAMC.

As someone who waited 46 years before having kids and then being sick I worry everyday that I am not spending time with them.

Everyone should give their children a big hug and kiss tonight before you go to bed.

~God Bless You Soldier and Thank You For Your Service

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